It’s a new year this week. Full of the sparkle and shine of possibility. It’s an empty book just waiting to be filled and …I love that.
Many years I’ve pondered slow and deep and filled pages and pages of my journal with reflections and intentions and plans.
the past few years my mom has given me a planner for christmas – such a great gift
This year…I’m not. At least not yet. I am a firm believer that the whole of January is the beginning of the new year and I have that entire month to reflect and plan. So I still have time to change my mind.
But this year, there’s just one thing that keeps resurfacing for me as I look ahead. And behind. A carryover, perhaps, of all I’ve pondered and prayed these last few months.
I want to ask God for wisdom. More. More wisdom. More often. I want to ask Him to guide my decisions. Big and small. I want to ask what He desires me to do. How I should be spend the precious hours He’s given me? Where should I invest energy and attention?
I don’t expect to get a message from heaven each time. Or a miraculous word of guidance.
But I do except to be guided subtly and gently. I expect to be moved, because I move. Not God. I expect my heart and mind to move into alignment with God. I don’t expect words from heaven, but I expect Him to change me as I seek His heart. And as He brings me closer to His heart, I expect my decisions, large and small, to shift.
And I suspect, that on occasion, a clear answer might come.
I’ve spent the tail end of this year completely overwhelmed by everything there is to do. And I can’t at all see how I will accomplish it’s scope and breadth. I can’t figure out how to figure out what to prioritize and what to let go of.
And yet, this stubborn heart is learning slowly. The only way to truly grow is to ask for help. And who better to ask than the God who created the universe, and me?
So that’s it. That’s my one goal. …for now. To ask God for wisdom, for guidance, for help more often. For the small things, not just the big. And to ask that He bring my heart closer to His in the process.
A year is so short and so long all at the same time. Looking back at the past year, I feel that strange dichotomy that many of you probably feel as well: amazed at how quickly the year sped past and in awe of how much life and change was packed into twelve short months.
At the beginning of 2022 we were coming off a week of snow and family fun since most everything was closed due to weather. Thankfully, the roof had gone on our home just a couple of weeks before, so we managed to capture this pretty view!
As we headed into the new year, we really began to settle into life as a family of five. Annie began to sleep pretty well and the boys were thriving in their school. We soaked up lots of time with both sets of grandparents, enjoying living close with a baby for the first time.
In April, we dedicated Annie to Jesus, a simple ceremony where our pastor prays for us and her in front of our church body as we declare our desire to raise her in a way that obeys the teachings of Jesus and to teach her the love and power of God.
About this time it became apparent we would not be moving into our home in the spring, and we began spending long hours caulking, painting and working around the property. My dad and Travis put in countless hours painting both the inside and the outside.
On June 25th, we invited all those who had walked alongside us in this process to dedicate and pray over our new home and write scriptures on the subfloor. Here are a few of the many, many scriptures covering the subfloor of our home.
Over the summer we had an abundance of generous family members and church family members dedicate numerous hours to helping us paint, clean, caulk, install appliances, spread dirt, and more, including while our family was gone at summer camp with the High School Youth Group.
The summer was long, with progress on our home creeping along and so many hours spent working on it, as well as Travis carrying some additional, temporary responsibilities for his job at our church. It was exhausting, but so very worth it.
Finally, on August 31st, my parents packed up our boys and took them on a little vacation in Idaho. Meanwhile,Travis and I began packing in earnest. On September 2nd, a giant crew of people from our church helped us finish packing and taking everything out of my parents bonus room and over to our new home.
My parents had generously allowed us to live with them for two and a half years. We were so excited to be in our long awaited home, and so very thankful for the gift of so much time with them and of a way to afford to build a home for our family.
The next day, my parents brought the boys home from vacation and we were together as a family in our new home at last!
Words cannot describe the gratitude we have for this home or for the people who helped make this home a reality for our family. So much prayer, advice, encouragement and hard work went into this home from so many. As we have said from the beginning, it is God’s house that we get to steward. And in the just over three short months we have lived here, we have been able to fill our home full and experience so much blessing in it already!
As an added bonus, Travis’ parents get to be our first renters in our attached 1 bedroom apartment. We are enjoying being next door neighbors with them and getting some extra time together!
By early October, the church was able to bring on another staff member and Travis’ role transitioned from High School youth pastor to Assistant Pastor, Worship Leader, and Young Adults Ministry. While we deeply miss the High School Youth Group, we trust this change was the right one for us and the church and are thoroughly enjoying serving in these new ways.
In mid October, Travis was able to take two weeks of vacation time where we settled in to enjoy our new home and some much needed family time. We rested and refreshed together as a family. It was such a gift and a much needed reset for our family after the busy year.
Shortly after, we got to celebrate Annie’s first birthday with both sides of our family in our new home, and what a joyous occasion that was! Our sweet Annie is spunky and silly and the center of attention, and she knows it! She loves music and food and her Grandpas. Just before Thanksgiving she started walking and is getting into all sorts of trouble on the regular. We adore her!
James is now 7 and a voracious reader! He is currently obsessed with science and plans to travel to the far reaches of the globe to work with endangered species when he grows up. He is also obsessed with Lego, as any 7 year old should be, and is a very proficient builder. He is even starting to experiment with his own designs. He sets the tone in our family in so many ways, and we are so thankful for him!
Peter is 5 and is learning how to read this year! He is a whiz in math and could easily fly through several lessons of first grade math every day if I let him. He is also obsessed with building things and plans to travel and work with his brother when he grows up. He is also becoming quite the Lego builder as well and loves soccer. You can regularly find him kicking a soccer ball around our driveway. We love our sweet and joyful boy!
We were blessed to host thanksgiving this year, and are moving into this holiday season feeling grateful. God has blessed us richly this past year and we pray that we will move forward into 2023 as joyful recipients and faithful stewards of those blessings.
No matter what comes, we rejoice in the beautiful hope and deep peace of Jesus, and pray that you might as well.
A twelve days ago we were supposed to move into an adorable little two bedroom, two bath condo we were buying. And fifteen days ago, I was standing in line at Marshall’s when Travis called to tell me that the sale had fallen through.
I had planned to drive home and pack more boxes, then pick James up from his first day of preschool all smiles and energy.
Instead, I cried my way home and off and on through the rest of that day, and canceled the order for our new mattress that we scheduled to be delivered the day after closing.
I planned on anxiously waiting for the school day to be over so I could run and hold my preschooler and then sit enraptured hearing all about his day.
Instead, I washed my face, put on mascara and as much a smile as I could manage, and braved my way through his first preschool pick up, trying to be fully present and joyful in this moment with him, while at the same battling back the overwhelm now plaguing me.
I had plans, and they were suddenly, unexpectedly, gone. I had built dreams for our family in that place, all in my head, and those too, were now gone. I had expectations for what the next days would be like, and those were gone. I had thought I’d known where God was taking us, and that also, was now gone.
I felt unmoored and untethered. Adrift.
In the days that have followed, I’ve been all over the place. I’ve clung to God in some moments and run from Him others. I’ve been angry sometimes and peaceful others. I’ve run a million scenarios in my head and made plans a dozen different ways, grasping for what is right. Searching in darkness for a spark of Light to guide us.
And into the chaos of my heart and mind, a friend spoke these words. “We were shouting for joy just a few weeks ago…focus on those miracles. Those miracles didn’t come for no reason, and you guys didn’t get excited for no reason…continue to believe that the Lord is going to move.” Her words stopped me.
“We were shouting for joy just a few weeks ago…” “Those miracles didn’t come for no reason…”
I thought I had figured out how God was writing this story. I thought the miraculous way He was letting things fall into place, was all leading up to one certain ending. And when it all fell apart, I began to think maybe I had just heard wrong. Maybe we weren’t following God after all. Maybe God had spoken and I’d just missed it. Or maybe I’d been too stubborn to hear. Or maybe I just had no idea what was going on. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
And then God used the words of this friend to draw near and whisper in my ear…
“This closing falling through does not negate the things I did to get you this far.”
I can praise God for the way He worked and also mourn the ending that I didn’t get.I can trust the God I love to be near even when I don’t understand how He is working.I can worship the God who guides us, even when it feels like we’ve been led to a dead end.
I don’t have an ending to this story yet. Well…not quite.
I can say that we haven’t curled up in a ball and given up, as much as we’ve been tempted to.
God has also provided for us to extend the lease with our current rental until the end of September with no extra fees, so we won’t be homeless at the end of next week.
And today we signed a contract with a new seller, for us to buy a different condo in the same community, although based on the events of the past few weeks, this too, feels far from an ending.
I can say that I’ve had days of intense anxiety, days of overwhelming desire to give up, and days of overwhelming peace from God, in the midst of it all.
I can say that there is a tiny seed of excitement over this new place beginning to form.
We are working hard and the emotional roller coaster, is far from over.
But the fact remains true, God did some wonderful things that I will continue to praise Him for, and the ending we didn’t get, the ending we still might not get, doesn’t negate that.
{*Today’s post is written by my blogger/instagram friend Kerry. Sh is a woman of God, wife, mother, writer, and essential oils enthusiast and educator. I hope you enjoy her words here today, and if you do, head to her blog to read more or her Instagram to connect with a little bit of her day to day life. Be blessed, Alesha}
I’m selfish and ambitious all at the same time. I have ideas that keep me up at night and wake me up in the morning but then I’m scared to share those ideas because they might not be good enough. I’m scared to share them and voice them because it might be my last one. It might be my last good idea. Another one may never come. Such is the life of a creative, I’m learning.
I have these ideas for essential oils classes, and gifts I want to send, and cards and letters I want to mail, meals I want to serve to my friends and neighbors, books and articles I want to write. And they come into my brain and then there is this mechanism in there, this program, that stops them.
The cycle usually goes like this:
The thought comes in. I think in words and so I just hear or see a bunch of words. I get really excited about it because I am easily excitable and ideas are my jam. I love hearing them, thinking about them and dreaming about them. I start thinking about the audience. I think of people in my real life who represent people everywhere and how this new idea could help them. I can literally think of nothing else at this moment. Because I love pictures, I start to think of graphics and pretty pictures to accompany the idea. I’m almost obsessing at this point, I’m sure if you took my blood pressure it would be elevated because I’m that excited. And this is where the enemy comes in. This is where the critical voice tells me that I’ve tried something similar before and never finished it. The critical voice tells me that I don’t have a huge enough audience. It reminds me of that IG superstar who did something similar months ago and how much of a success it was because of her huge following and her amazing graphic design skills. This is where my idea literally starts to wheeze but instead of saving it, instead of helping it to breathe by fanning some oxygen its way. Instead of taking its hand, I usually walk away because I’m scared.
I was listening to a youtube interview with Les Brown and he said this:
Imagine if you will being on your death bed- And standing around your bed- the ghosts of the ideas, the dreams, the abilities, the talents given to you by life. And that you for whatever reason, you never acted on those ideas, you never pursued that dream, you never used those talents, we never saw your leadership, you never used your voice, you never wrote that book. And there they are standing around your bed looking at you with large angry eyes saying we came to you, and only you could have given us life! Now we must die with you forever. The question is- if you die today what ideas, what dreams, what abilities, what talents, what gifts, would die with you?
This is not what I want for my life. These dreams, these talents, these abilities. They may not be the greatest, but they are mine. They are what I’ve been entrusted with. And this audience, these people in my life, they may not be the largest. But they are what I have been entrusted with. I’m reminded of the story of the widow in the Bible, who owed a lot of money. You can find it in 2 Kings 4:1-7. It’s a short story but it in the woman has to exercise great faith to listen to Elijah. She goes into more debt borrowing jars from her neighbors but obeys and pours out her little oil and miraculously fills up all of the jars she borrowed. Not one is left empty. Then she sells all the oil and pays off her debts and saves her sons. Her neighbors entrusted her with their jars and she went into her house, shut the door and filled them up with her little bit of oil.
I feel like that woman. I have all of these jars I’ve been entrusted with. I have these talents and these gifts and these passions. And I have a little bit of oil. A little bit of love and experience and desire. And Jesus is trusting me to pour it out. He is trusting me to take the ideas, the book ideas, the blog ideas and the business ideas and run with them. They may never be perfect but the obedience and the lessons from trying, from working something, from writing something, will be worth it.
So here I am, Lord. Here are these words and this space and these people you have given me the privilege of speaking to. Take it, use it, make something of it. Make something of me and of these stories. Make something of the pain and the beauty. It can’t be all about me. It has to be all about you.
