The prompt hung there in my mind. Confusing. Unclear.
And a for a few hours, I had no words.
But when the first idea burst through in my brain, it was like the floodgates opened and I couldn’t stop writing.
Just writing this was incredibly helpful to me. I hope maybe, as you read these five small poems, you will feel seen.
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Prompt: The Words You Always Wanted to Say to Him/Her But Never Did
I never wanted you
To be my friend.
I wanted you
to be his.
Because I care more about him
Than I care about
Maybe I’m wrong,
But I think the same temptations hold us close
I see things in you
Pressing, begging, rearing to come out in me
And I’m running hard
I pray maybe you will start running soon too
Or that maybe,
I am just wrong about you
It’s okay to not be perfect
It’s okay to not have it all figured out
I like you better that way, anyways
Let’s be broken together
I’ll hold your pieces
You hold mine
If I get cut, it’s okay.
Because we’ll be together.
I cared what you thought
So when you chose them
I suddenly felt caught
In my childish naivety
Why would I have ever thought
You’d choose me?
That day life taught
Me a lesson
I’d spend the rest of it unlearning
You can’t see it, girl
But you’re so very loved.
And there’s not one single person
You will meet in this whole, beautiful life
Who will be enough to love you
As much as you already are.
If you feel inspired, try out this prompt too. You don’t have to consider yourself a writer to write. And I’d love to read what you come up with. Or keep it private.
This was a sad and beautiful and helpful exercise for me to do and maybe it will be the same for you.
I wanted to share with you a project I’m starting tomorrow.
The 100 Day Project
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The 100 Day Project is a creativity challenge. Many people do this on their own, and some as part of a group. There is a large community of people that I will be joining to complete the challenge beginning April 2nd and finishing July 10th.
If you follow my Instagram (@aleshablessed), you may remember that I participated last year. I did 100 days of storytelling, with the goal of telling short stories about my life everyday, in order to grow and explore my storytelling ability.
Although I stopped participating in the challenge around day 50, and I didn’t even complete every day up until then, I loved it. I felt my confidence, and I think, my skill grow throughout the challenge.
This year, I am taking on the challenge again, with the goal of finishing…not completing every day. But keeping on until the end. And my creative goal?
100 Days of Poetry
I plan to write a poem every day for 100 days, about whatever I want.
I have been writing poems since elementary school. I used to carry one of those tiny composition notebooks around so that I could spend the minutes waiting and the minutes in the car scribbling down tiny poems about cows and trees and whatever else ten-year-old Alesha thought about.
I’ve always thought my writing somewhat reflected that poetic bent from my childhood. But lately, I’ve wanted to lean in to that a bit.
And I wanted to write and actually share it again. Regularly.
If you want to follow along, you can join me on Instagram or wait and see the poetry “round ups” I post on here.
I hope, maybe, the poetry will inspire something in you. A reflection. An emotion. A prayer. A poem of your own.
I’m going to try to write more than just poems for the next four months, but even if I don’t write anything else, I am praying that the poems do the same thing all of my words are intended to do…
to reset your perspective with truth.
What is something you were obsessed with as a child that you would love to revisit? Why not?
I think one of the most important things we can do this time of year is to look back to both celebrate and reflect. And while I think it is important, it is hard for me to do.
I want to charge forward into the planning and the new and the growth. But new growth will never be as effective if you haven’t first reflected on where you are coming from in order to see most clearly where you need to go.
So I’m taking a bit of time on here to celebrate and reflect. I hope you enjoy it.
I spent most of this month digging deep and learning the art of reflecting well and then setting intentional goals. God did some deep work in my heart during all the reflecting. And I wrote a post that came from a really deep, good talk my husband and I had one evening about my heart in ministry.
This was a hard month. I battled internally with crippling fear all month. It was a time of digging in deep with Jesus and learning to let Him be my comfort. I also took my first ever Influence Network class and was rocked by the message Jess Connolly shared.
Mexico…what else is there to say about this month? The days in Mexico were a much needed change of pace and worked some healing in my soul. And I fell in love with that beautiful country all over again. I can’t wait to go back again this March!
With my birthday and Easter and a whirlwind trip to Washington State this month was crazy, and I was preaching hard to my heart! I began to fully see light at the end of a long winter in my heart.
I started this month with my husband gone at a conference and me just barely home from my visit with family. So I was reflecting again on what it means to love my family and yet to obey God’s call to live on the other side of the nation. At the end of this month, God broke my heart open over the people He’s placed in my life. Then my husband got ordained and we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.
This first month of summer was all about the beach! And it was a time of clarifying my purpose in blogging and taking hold of what I felt God had called me to write, and I wrote a lot on those topics, including this post that was burning in my heart. And I processed through truths that I had learned through my rough winter season with “An Invitation to Trust” and “A Promise Redeemed”.
Early on this month I shared my go-to marriage advice. And I refocused myself in the middle of the year by calling myself, by calling us back to Jesus, only and always Jesus. Also, we house sat for friends and ate both too-many and not-enough burgers and watermelon.
This month I wrote one of my favorite additions to my “Church Planting Is” series. And this month I finally hit the point of feeling fully free from the fears that dominated so much of my winter and spring, and I poured those truths that had helped me so much out over and over. The end of August we spent back in Washington again for our friends’ wedding and to see family. It was a wonderful summer finale.
This month was crazy: adjusting back into my busiest tutoring schedule ever and trying to find time to write every second I could. I felt like I couldn’t write words fast enough this month, there was so much passion pouring out of me. I wrote “Falling in Love” and talked about my pet-peeve with cliches. Midway through the month, we celebrated two years of living in Florida and I reflected on our trip back to Washington in August.
I did it again…write for 32 days that is. I almost broke down near the end of the month, asking God why He had asked me to write about something that I still struggled with so much. I wrote about my goal, my theme, for the year:
Work Hard + Rest Well
November was a blur for me. I started the month full of energy and excited to post about other things, including what is probably one of my all-time favorite posts I’ve written. But toward the end of the month, I just got exhausted…and I wouldn’t find out why till a week before Christmas. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our church family, and I finished up the month with my Black Friday Thankful List.
I started this month tired, and with a scary and exciting announcement. My husband is starting a business! Exhaustion was fogging my brain and I was desperately trying to enjoy the Christmas season. Then I got really honest, twice, right around the time I found out why I had been so tired. Yep! We’re having a baby. Next August, and we are thrilled…and I’m learning to rest a little more.
I am so excited that by the end of 2015 we will be a family of three and for all the changes that will come in that process. However, we appreciate your prayers for health and for God to prosper our business and work things out financially by the time little Baby Sinks arrives.
Happy New Year!
There is something about looking back that has captured my heart in the past week.The new year came and I fought the looking back, the remembering. I know what happened in my life, why rehash it? Why focus on what’s done.
Slowly my heart softened to listen to wise voices calling me to slow down. Telling me to think and reflect before launching into the new. And the goals are slowly forming in my heart and planner.
Before I share the goals and the surging forward and the pressing in hard with you, join me in reflecting…in celebrating all God has done in and through me and my husband this year. May His glory shine through greatly.
January started scared and excited and wonderful with the launch of Redemption Church Sunday morning services. This Florida home was still so new and I found myself relearning who I am as a person.
February my mama shared from her journal the crazy of her life, and I felt the waves crash and began to understand the confusing of ministry.
March was quiet on here. Because my grandma passed away, my mother came to Florida to visit and my friend had her first baby girl in a period of 24 hours. Because I was pondering my home…my new home…my new life.
April I turned 22 and had a sweet simple birthday with friends. Easter service was incredible! A reminder that He rose to bring hope and life and peace and I began to see His provision more clearly.
May came with a much needed time of refreshment and our two year wedding anniversary. And much reflecting on all the little moments that make life special and busy.
June was our first visit back to Washington. And I recorded a long vlog for the one year anniversary of She Reads Truth.
July I poured my heart out in words (twice), the church made it halfway to a year, and I really began to find my writing voice.
August another dear friend announced her pregnancy, my husband gave me encouragement every woman needs to hear, and I faced the ugly of my own heart for you to read.
September was long and slow and tired…and I clung to the fact that He lifts my burdens.
October I wrote for 31 days and felt God breathe new life and new passion into my heart. My favorite posts came on day 6 (Not Just Church) and day 9 (What it Really Is) and day 24 (First) and day 27 (Change Me)…and maybe few more.
November I watched my sister run for God’s glory and I reevaluated the running of my life. I was excited for every Christmas decoration I saw, except for the ones waiting to be put up in our apartment.
December brought Christmas lights and 80 degree weather and new deoderant. And my heart kept searching for the still and holy of His presence. And He is good.
And another year has come and has gone.
And I’m still fighting the urge to go and do with out first looking back and evaluating…and thanking.
Our cold snap happened over Thanksgiving.It was 68…
Yet now it’s in the low 80s again and I’m jealous of all the crazy, gorgeous snow pictures filling up my Instagram feed. After a week of my whining, the sun is finally back out and I’m feeling sweaty.
And contentment never just happens.
And I’m reminding myself probably 20 times a day how miserable the cold makes me and what a blessing it is to be here, but my heart doesn’t always want to listen to my brain.
So I’ll dream with a eggnog latte in my hand and Christmas decorations in blue and silver. And I’ll live vicariously through your Instagrams and thank hard for sunshine and warmth and the ability to test different deodorants till I find one that at least keeps me from stinking.
Because sometimes thanking is hard…
Not because the words are hard.
Not because there is nothing to thank for.
Not because I’m not happy.
But because I have to lay me down. I have to lay down my wants and wishes and selfishness. Because my selfishness is a comfortable place to hang out sometimes. Because I have to let Him into a place of my heart that I don’t want to admit is ugly.
And I know in that moment and decision of thanksgiving that I must make up my mind to have my heart changed. In that moment, I must admit that my heart needs changing.
I know that in my offering of thanks, He will gently reorder my heart away from the self-pitying and self-centered place it is currently residing. And I know that is a beautiful thing. But to get to the beautiful, I have to first recognize the ugly…and that’s where the hard lies. So I’m praying that He gives me the strength and humility to keep admitting the ugly and allowing His Spirit to change it.
So enjoy with me some beauty via my Instagram feed and let’s make the hard decision to thank…in whatever place of life you’re feeling discontent today.