Some days He will feel so far.Some days you will have no idea how to fill up on Him.
Some days breathing Him in seems like an impossible task.
Some days you try to fill up but you still feel so empty and you feel like you can’t stop pouring out, but you don’t even know what it is you are pouring out because you feel empty of Him.
And on those days you may lay in bed crying hot tears into your pillow and it will all come gushing out to Him…
How you’ve tried so hard to breathe Him in and you still feel squeezed out and used up and dried out.
How you’ve done it all right and yet something’s still missing because the tell-tale signs of burnout are bearing down hard.
How you’ve desired Him and sought Him and you know He’s said that He’s enough, but you can’t feel it.
And between the tears you’ll cry out that you need Him desperately and cry out that in that moment you don’t know how to breathe Him in, and you’ll beg that He shows you how to breathe Him in because you don’t know anymore. As you desperately seek Him, knowing that without His grace and help you can’t find Him, He’ll answer. He’ll fill you up full and sure and He’ll whisper sweet strength into you heart.
And your crazy heart will remember that in all your reading and praying and giving and seeking you can’t forget that the purpose of it all is to know Him. To know Him.
To know Him deep and sweet and intimate and full and free. And in the desperate seeking He’ll guide you right back to the place you started…reading His Word and praying and seeking and giving and serving, and you wonder, in midst of all that good you were pouring into your life, when did you loose sight of the Good One that it’s all about anyways.
So you keep reading and serving and seeking and serving and praying that this time you don’t loose sight of the One who it’s all about. And you know that someday you will loose focus again, but that His grace will be right there to scoop you back up and restore the joy and purpose in all that good-doing once again.
So keep doing and keep begging for His presence to be the purpose and the source and the goal and know that He will answer. Because sisters, this is my story…is it yours too?