{Some of you may have seen the instagram and twitter pleas for prayer over the last week and a half. This post is an excerpt from my Mother’s journal. It tells the story of what has been going on since Friday the 15th with my grandmother who lives with my parents and younger siblings. It has been so hard to be on the other side of the country with all this going on, but God is faithful. The words are beautiful and heartfelt and said so much better than I could on my own. Be blessed.}

Dear Lord,

It has been too long!

I took Mom to the doctor on 2/5/13 – 10 day stay at the hospital – Lori and Chip came out – reconciliation – healing – Mom moved to rehab

…and that is when all the recent events started.

On Friday afternoon Tony called to see what the plan was for the night – how could he help? I was speechless – um – well – okay? So we met at Deschutes – gave him kids so I could go see Mom. I drove to the new facility and walked in her room.

There she was – laying in a ball foaming at the mouth.

The next events I would like to forget – but I believe they will be scarred with me for life.

Yelling
panic
paramedics
ER – again.

Dr. Zola – what a wonderful man! So compassionate and caring! I could not believe how he helped me through that night. Tony and Adam came to see G’ma – told her they loved her.

I prayed with Mom.
Cried with Mom.
Prayed again.
Asked Jesus to forgive her of her sins and to welcome her into His heaven. I believe He did that.

I stayed as long as I could – then had to go pick up Abigail and Anna. The night was long with phone calls from the hospital. Asking hard questions – what type of comfort measures would Mom like. Each phone call thinking it would be the one to tell me that Mom gave her final breath.

But 5:45 came and I awoke – if you could call it that – I did not hear those words.

I showered and went to the hospital to find my Mom unable to talk or move – better than the night before – but in a bad place. Then Dr. Kats came and walked me through her history.

The prognosis – nothing.
Too many questions – not enough answers.
MRI – ultrasound – antibiotics…wait.
Saturday was a total blur.
Family made arrangements to come – Lesli from North Carolina, Chip from Spokane – Alison from Seattle.

I stumbled through Saturday
visiting Mom
loving on her
giving kids what they needed
rides
comfort – whatever I could from this empty soul.

I tried to catch as much of Abigail’s performances as I could but as she played Mama in “I Remember Mama”, but I could not help but think of my Mama struggling for life at St. Pete’s. I did my best to enjoy the gift of seeing my daughter in her lead role – I wept at the end – WOW! What an amazing job she did!

Lesli and Alison arrived – I needed sleep.
I tried – wrestless – in the AM we went to see Mom.
Improvement.

Met with Dr. Kats for over one hour. Mom has a likely chance to fully recover. Yes – fully recover. All day I had to tell myself the words the doctor said
No
really
walk & talk again.

It was a day of telling myself time and time again what the doctor said. It was – whatever is true … Think on these! Was it really true? I heard myself telling others – repeating the words

…but what I saw did not compute with the prognosis
will return to baseline!

Dinner with family
laughter
good food
back to the hospital – with Lesli, Alison and Anna.
Time with Mom
telling her we love her
repeating those words again and again.
Today – we awoke to Chip gone at the hospital
Mom can hold her eyes
she can focus
she grabbed for Chip’s hand
improvement.

That is the journal for now!
Oh Lord – You are good!
Amen!