Twenty years is a long time…especially when it’s your whole life.

I look back and see the blessing of the simple and secure life I was given. My home was safe. My home was with my parents. Maybe we had moved 9 times and lived in 5 cities, but I always knew where my home was. With those I loved and who loved me.
But one day, a handsome curly haired teenaged walked into my life…
Before I knew it, I was leaving that home of twenty years that had always been there. I was choosing a new home. A home with this godly young man who had swept me off my feet and at the same time pushed me straight into the arms of Jesus.
“Let’s go home and see my family!” I would say.
And his eyes looked a bit sad, a bit mischievous. “Isn’t your home with me now?”
“Yes…it is… I guess I meant…lets go to my parents’ house.”
Home…my whole life it was one place, with certain people.
And now it was in a new place with one person who I loved beyond anyone else this world could offer me. But how to make my heart and life at home with him…
There were times I had to sit in our apartment by myself and force myself to become comfortable with the walls, the carpet, the furniture…that deep comfortable that is so natural you don’t even notice it. See, I saw that not being perfectly comfortable in our apartment, rubbed off on how I saw my home…my parents house was still home…but my relationship with Travis was home too…I needed the house and the people to match.
I thought it was finally working, when God threw in a curveball.
We moved to Florida.
Now my family and the city and state I had called home for so long were gone…
Now I truly had to allow my husband to be my home…
But how?
So young…just 16 and 17, our whole lives ahead. But life and decisions were pressing…they seemed so close.
How do you know the difference between a call and a desire?
How do you know if I’m supposed to be in the ministry?
Is God really calling or is it just my flesh?
My heart was breaking as I watched this young man wrestle with these giant questions.
“Alesha, if I go into the ministry it means that I’m probably not staying here. It would mean moving…far away from your family. It would mean being poor. It would mean not always having enough.”
I don’t know where this wisdom came from, but then again, it’s always easier to say than to do.
“Travis, since I was a little girl, I always wanted to marry a pastor. I don’t know why… but even if you are never a pastor, whoever I marry, I want to follow them, as they follow God, wherever He leads. If that means living in a nice house near my parents or if that means living on the streets in Africa, I want to go where God wants. And when I choose to marry someone, I will be choosing to follow wherever God leads.”
Florida certainly isn’t Africa and we aren’t on the streets, but oh how God has put those words to the test. The wisdom of words He gave me to encourage my husband, the heart He developed in me so young, was coming to a test.
But as He prepared my heart then, He certainly could sustain it now.
There are tears at times. Laying with my head on his chest, unable to control the sobs.
But through my homesickness and tears, somehow that still small voice was reminding me, “You followed your husband here as he followed Me. It’s okay to miss them, but don’t forget to remind Travis that you still want to be here…that you are still on board.”
So I listened and through my tears whispered, “Just because I cry and miss my family. I’d still rather be here with you.”
And later on that week, while greeting him at the door, I buried my nose deep in his shoulder and sighed, “You smell like home.”
…and he really does.
When my heart feels that all-to-familiar ache and the tears hover on my eyelashes, a gentle voice whispers, “Daughter, this is just your temporary home. I’m preparing you a mansion in heaven with Me.”
And my heart hold on for another day, another hour.
“I am a stranger in the earth; Do not hide Your commandments from me.” {Psalm 199:19}
This earth is not my home…I was not made for here. My home is in heaven and it is this hope that I cling to.
Do you ever struggle with making some place your home? Did you struggle with that when first getting married? How did you handle that? How do you remind yourself that our time here (on this earth) is just temporary?
Be blessed
Life and Death
WIWW: Sinking Sand

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