Some days this whole “peace” thing seems beyond my control.
Like this morning. When my husband and I woke up to kitchen full of gnats, thanks to a trash can that should have been emptied a few days ago. After an “emergency” breakfast at Starbucks and a hurried trip to Walmart for some hanging fly catchers and a bug zapper…literally. A tennis racket-like object that electrocutes bugs, flash of light and loud pop included.
We’ve killed dozens.
I’m praying the rest are gone by tomorrow night when we host our weekly church community group.
My skin prickles and itches constantly. I’ve been near tears more than once.
Trying to freshen up my hair in the bathroom feels pointless. I feel gross, dirty. My house feels gross and dirty even though I’m scrubbing everything extra to make up for it.
My house is full of gnats! Gnats!
I can’t breathe freely, let alone write about it right now…
And suddenly, there’s another one. Sitting oh-so-still on the mirror in front of me. And something makes me pause. It’s a big one. Sitting on the mirror I can see it and a perfect reflection of it’s legs and belly. So gross. And so intricate. So detailed. So…wondrous.
In that tiny, grossed out moment He stopped me.
“Look at my wondrous creation daughter. See even in the ugly, dirty things there is wonder and beauty…there is me. Do you see it?”
I leaned in close.
I breathed in soft and out softer.
The nasty, tiny bug stayed put, allowing me to admire the detail our God had placed in him.
“Let Me teach you,” He’s whispering, “Let me teach you to breathe in the midst of the ugly, the gross, the nasty, the anxious.”
Will we let Him?
P.S. I am still a ferocious, bug killing maniac…God’s intricate creation or not, they have not place in my kitchen.