Dichotomy – division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action (dictionary.com)
I don’t understand myself anymore.

I thought I was…
a mover
a doer
an A-type
an ever-practical thinker
a detached soul
an un-romantic lover
a planner
a non-crier
a realist
…I thought.

But over the past few years, particularly since getting married, I’ve started wondering if that really is me anymore.

Now I’m wondering if I’m…
a dreamer
a lover
a visionary
a deeply emotional being
a crier
a feeler
a compassionate soul
…I’m wondering.

I remember being horribly offended in my early teens when my mom told me, “You don’t have the gift of compassion!”

I thought, “What do you mean, I ‘don’t have the gift of compassion’!?!? I am so compassionate!”

But as I thought about it later on, I realized she was right! I still tried to deny it, but a few years ago, I gave up the denial and the trying to be compassionate on my own. It didn’t work.

So instead I prayed. I prayed for compassion. I prayed for a soft heart. I even prayed for tears. (Yes, I can’t cry…unless it’s late at night when I’m PMS and I really have no reason to cry…)

I’ve prayed for compassion and for tears many times at random points through the last 4 or 5 years. I’ve prayed for a soft heart before God many, many more times.

And today, as my analytical A-type self sat pondering, I realized…
I cried through this podcast. Cried!

Again those thoughts of “what is happening to me” and “who am I” came flooding through my head, I realized…

Maybe this is my answered prayer. Maybe bit-by-bit God is working in my heart to soften and deep it.
Maybe I never noticed the change was happening.
Maybe He’s still answering that prayer daily.
Maybe He is going to use this new-found softness, sensitivity, and compassion for His glory…I pray He will.
And maybe this post, that just fell into my heart, will be the perfect start to a whole new type and series of blogging that God has been putting on my heart the past month.

Do you need prayer for something lacking in a specific area of your life (like compassion)? Tell me, so I can pray for you too.

Be blessed

Linking Up:
A Royal Daughter

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