Dichotomy – division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action (dictionary.com)
I don’t understand myself anymore.
I thought I was…
an ever-practical thinker
a detached soul
an un-romantic lover
But over the past few years, particularly since getting married, I’ve started wondering if that really is me anymore.
Now I’m wondering if I’m…
a deeply emotional being
a compassionate soul
I remember being horribly offended in my early teens when my mom told me, “You don’t have the gift of compassion!”
I thought, “What do you mean, I ‘don’t have the gift of compassion’!?!? I am so compassionate!”
But as I thought about it later on, I realized she was right! I still tried to deny it, but a few years ago, I gave up the denial and the trying to be compassionate on my own. It didn’t work.
So instead I prayed. I prayed for compassion. I prayed for a soft heart. I even prayed for tears. (Yes, I can’t cry…unless it’s late at night when I’m PMS and I really have no reason to cry…)
I’ve prayed for compassion and for tears many times at random points through the last 4 or 5 years. I’ve prayed for a soft heart before God many, many more times.
And today, as my analytical A-type self sat pondering, I realized…
I cried through this podcast. Cried!
Again those thoughts of “what is happening to me” and “who am I” came flooding through my head, I realized…
Maybe this is my answered prayer. Maybe bit-by-bit God is working in my heart to soften and deep it.
Maybe I never noticed the change was happening.
Maybe He’s still answering that prayer daily.
Maybe He is going to use this new-found softness, sensitivity, and compassion for His glory…I pray He will.
And maybe this post, that just fell into my heart, will be the perfect start to a whole new type and series of blogging that God has been putting on my heart the past month.
Do you need prayer for something lacking in a specific area of your life (like compassion)? Tell me, so I can pray for you too.
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Yay…I found you and I have missed reading your blog! So I am going to add you so I can read more of you. I need prayer and this is hard to say with being more loving to my hubby especially with ya know, ahem. I have always struggled (long story). So I could def. use prayer for that in my life. Can’t wait to read more!
I think marriage is the biggest life adjustment. I went through a bit of an identity crisis during our first year too. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are strong and God’s getting ready to use you in a big way.
Oh Becky! Thanks so much! I’m glad it’s not just me…I mean, I felt like “normal” people don’t just have these drastic shifts in certain areas of their personality. =P Your comments and friendship are so encouraging! Thank you. <3
I love this post and thank you for sharing what is on your heart and what God is doing in you. I look forward to reading more. Sarah
Thanks for sharing your heart so humbly. I appreciate your words so much. I really should be doing the same thing. I know I am not perfect but I tend to brush aside my imperfections rather than focus on how I can improve on them. Thanks for the encouragement!
I have prayed for compassion in the past and I could truly feel God’s hand helping to be more compassionate.
I always tell myself, “it is ok to feel”.
Here’s my D2I post: http://collettaskitchensink.blogspot.com/2013/01/desire-to-inspire-conquering-depression.html