I don’t always breathe freely. It’s easy to see when I’m not, but sometimes I close my eyes and try to pretend that everything is okay…that I’m not holding my breath.
It shows in my words. In my intimacy.

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When I’m breathing freely, it’s easy to keep my husband close. It’s easy to speak words that bring closeness and intimacy.

When I’m breathing freely, I can’t contain the words in my mind. They flow out of my fingers almost too easily. They pour out…more thoughts than I can contain in my mind and heart.

It’s how I processes. It’s how I know I’m breathing.

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Sometimes, there are no words.
Sometimes, I can’t find words to tell the simplicity of what I did all day.
Sometimes, there is nothing…I feel nothing.

Sometimes, I close my eyes and turn my head away.
Sometimes, I refuse to believe what I know is true.
Sometimes, I say…
I’m not sleeping well.
My husband should talk first.
Life is just so busy.

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But I know…
God knows…

When there are no words, I’m secretly fighting Him.
Fighting intimacy.
Fighting surrender.
Fighting trust.

Once I finally open my eyes and surrender…the words flow again. It’s pretty easy to tell when I’m breathing freely…for my blog readers more than anyone. Am I saying anything? I mean really saying anything?

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You’ll know…and I am hopefully not shutting my eyes.

Be blessed
<3

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