The fear grips me occasionally…and when it does, it grips hard.
Fear of falling away from faith…
Fear of falling into sin…
Fear of falling into apathy…
I don’t think the fears are bad in and of themselves, but they take me to a bad place. A place of fear gripped imagination and fantasy induced condemnation.
A place where I wander beyond a healthy fear that drives me closer to my Savior. A place where I begin to doubt His goodness in healing and restoration. A place where I doubt His ability to work in me.
I see the painful path that others have taken.
I see the great numbers of people that fall and the great heights from which they can fall from.
I see their past great passion contrasted with their now cold apathy.
…and I fear the same could happen in me.
…and I fear that I won’t be able to stop it.
And the wanderings and ponderings of my own head can lead to dark and twisted places that until I step back from them, I can’t see the blatant faults in my own thought process.
But in the very fear griping my heart there is a fatal lie guiding my thoughts. The fear that I cannot stop myself from heading down that path someday is in itself a flawed fear and truthful fear. Because I cannot.
My sanctification, my holiness, is not entirely up to my own strivings.
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in youwill bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Yes, I can quench the Spirit.
Yes, I can walk in opposition to the Lord.
Yes, I can harden my heart before God.
But He won’t let me walk away without a fight.
He’ll be pursuing and seeking and calling me the whole while.
And were I to reject my Savior and fall into some great sin, there is no depth so great that He can’t pull me from it. There is no rejection so horrible that it can’t be restored by God if I have a humbled and repentant heart.
My fears are not righteous fears because they are refusing to see God’s redemptive power and ability to work in my heart and life.
Because if it’s up to me to do work in my own heart, I will fail every time.
But if He does the work, He is sure to work it all for my good and His glory. So I’ll not try to steal His place or ignore His power or belittle His mercy.
And if I am faithful to continue seeking Him, I must trust that He will be faithful to finish my sanctification.
Because He has promised.