I’ve written words that are hard but true.I’ve written truths that most people would rather ignore, but are written there plain on the pages of scripture.
But there are days when I wish I’d not stood so strong or written so hard and true. Because those words are truth and they are life and I can never take them back, but now they’re holding me to a higher standard.
I can’t claim I didn’t know or don’t understand because those words stand there telling…I do know. They stand there telling the truths I know and reminding me that I have no excuse for anything less.
And sometimes, I listen to the wrong voice. The voice of the enemy condemning me for failing to live to the letter of what I claim to believe. The enemy who takes every flaw, large and small, and beats me into the ground with them.
And I listen.
And I get overwhelmed and depressed and angry at myself.
And I feel condemnation wash over my heart and break my joy.
And I almost wish I didn’t ever write those words because then the enemy couldn’t hold them there in front of me, mocking.
And I listen…even though I know his words are lies.
But grace…oh but the grace of Jesus. He sees those same flaws and many more. And He has stood pointing out those flaws all along…but His plan is grace, not condemnation.
He points to my mistakes and my flaws and my lack of faith and looks upon me in love. He points to my failures and my discontent and my messed up priorities and then opens His palms to show His nail-scarred hands. He points out my wrong to remind that it wasn’t my strength that saved me and it won’t be my strength that sanctifies me. It’s His strength.
And it’s His Spirit that revealed those hard truths to my hard heart for me to write into words. And those words aren’t there mocking me, they’re there reminding me. Reminding me of His grace and His love. Reminding me that it’s all of Him and none of me. Reminding me of what is good and true and right and what will bring me life. Because life isn’t found in my trying to be good, it’s found in the arms of a loving Savior.
So I’ll quit checking boxes and trying hard to be like Him and instead just draw near to Him. Because that’s what all those words I wrote say anyway.
Those words say to love Him…because He first loved us.